Posts (page 2)

How many houses have you lived in? How is where you live now different from where you grew up?

Off the top of my head I can think of about 15 different "houses" that I have lived in.  I have excluded the different dorms I have inhabited, but included all the different apartments I have lived in. 

That seems like a lot of different locations to live in during my 26 years! 

I sort of "grew up" in more than one house.  The first house I REALLY remember is the one we had in Riverside California.  I remember it being a decent house...but I was young...it could have been spectacular...or it could have been a dump and I wouldn't have known the difference!  After that house we moved into another house in Moreno Valley California.  I know for sure this one was a lot newer and a lot nicer than our other one.  When we moved out of that house we came back to Indiana where we lived for a brief time in my grandparents' single wide trailer.  That was not a very fun time!  I shared a bedroom with my two brothers, and the entire family shared one bathroom.  I think I might have blocked out many of those memories.  After living there for a few months we moved into our own trailer!  That is where I spent my junior and senior high school days, growing up in a double wide.  It wasn't bad.  The location was decent and my mom always made sure we had a nice clean home...but still, there's a bit of a stigma when you grow up in a house like that.  Some people automatically believe that you're one way or another.

At this very moment I live in my parents' new home while I look for my own to buy.  It's a lovely house...so very different from any of the other houses we have lived in.  It's in a quiet neighborhood surrounded by other lovely houses.  There is no stigma about living here.  It's just the kind of house you'd expect my family to live in. 

I guess that's all I have to say about that!   

I'm serious! 

All my problems (which are plentiful at the moment) are amplified by the fact that my uterus is trying to murder me from the inside. 

In all seriousness though...I am at the moment trying desperately to understand why some of the things that are happening to me are happening.  I've gone through it in my brain so many times...I wonder if I'm being punished...I wonder if there is no reason at all...I wonder if it is a test...I wonder if maybe I just wonder too much. 

Most of all though, I wonder if I will ever stop feeling the way I do right now.  I wonder if these feelings of hopelessness will ever stop. 

I suppose at some point I will come to terms with the direction my life has now turned....I just wonder when that will be. 

I was quite melancholy earlier...but I think I'm cheering up.

The fact is, although this crap is showering down on me right now and it's something I never thought I'd have to deal with, I know I will be able to. 

I could sit and write about how I don't understand why it had to happen to me...I don't want to be a "why me" type of person.  I'm not alone in this world...people are dealing with crap all around me...I'm certainly not unique.

This is going to be hard...and I surely wish I didn't have to deal with it...but I CAN deal with it.

I was ready to let this ruin my life...and I simply refuse to have that happen. 

Some things might be more of a challenge...but that only means I'll appreciate them all that much more when the hard parts are over. 

I just want to be happy...and that's largely a choice...so that's what I choose.  Despite all the crap, I'm going to smile right to the very end. 

Show us what Memorial Day means to you.

All of the men and woman who bravely gave their lives so I could keep my freedom...

And all of the ones who are still fighting...

How are you spending this Memorial Day? How will it differ from Memorial Days past?

I think I'm just going to spend it lounging around.  Yesterday was such an insane day here, I think we all just need to relax.

I honestly don't remember doing anything significant on any Memorial Day...ever.  I think we all just enjoy the extra day off of work.  

I knew it would happen...I can only be really happy for so long before the crap starts again. 

And this time...the crap has hit me in really unimaginable ways. 

I know stuff happens...I know that crap is going to happen to me...I don't think I deserve any less crap than everyone else...it's just that sometimes it gets so damn old. 

And this time....this time the crap is forever.  It's not temporary crap this time.  For the rest of my life...a constant reminder that my life just doesn't seem to be meant for much at all. 

I'm depressing. 

Show us your favorite painting.

The painting is called "Nighthawks" and was created by Edward Hopper

It has been my favorite painting ever since I saw it at a museum during a school trip years ago. 

I am simply inexplicably drawn to this painting.   

What's your favorite type of cheese? Or, if you don't like cheese, why not?
Submitted by Draegon Scribe.

I don't think I've met a cheese I don't like!  I do have a special place in my heart for cheeses you can spread though!  Great...now I'm hungry for some crackers and an entire cheeseball!

If I had to use one word to describe myself lately, it would be "impatient." 

I'm so eager for things to be different...I think things should just instantly change.  I think that I should wake up tomorrow with a loving partner...a nice house...maybe a couple of kids...perhaps a dog. 

I don't feel like going through the hell it seems to require to actually find those things.  Do I make things hard on myself?  Why does it seem like those things just fall into the lives of others without any problem at all...but not mine? 

I know this is the wrong attitude...I know it with every ounce of me.  But I still feel it.  I just know what I want.  I can feel it so strongly that sometimes it hurts.  It hurts because it feels like I can't do anything but wait for it to happen.  I don't wait well...I'm a person of action.  If I want something...I go for it.  These are not things I can just "go for."

I read this today:  "As with most of the attributes of God that we are to imitate in our lives, patience requires a moment-by-moment trust in God to fulfill his promises and purposes in our lives at his chosen time.  Our confidence that the Lord will soon fulfill his purposes for our good and his glory will enable use to be patient." 

I guess that's something I need to work on...isn't it?  There's a purpose for my life...and all I need to do is patiently wait for the opportunities to arise in my life so that purpose can be fulfilled.  It's simple to say...but it feels nearly impossible to do. 

I'll do my best. 

Show us something striped.